Homerun Derby blunders

In a recent report Tom Brady and scores of angry Boston fans have demanded Eli Manning should give up his Super Bowl trophy...

"It's no fair we came out of the gate and scored first... if it had only been a 3 quarter game the Patriots would be the winners in this one," said Brady. " The rules screwed us over."

Okay, that was fake. But, what wasn't fake is Hamilton's performance. Yes, even a coked up junkie can hit the ball over the fence in historic Yankee stadium I guess that gives hope to all the NY Mets fans that their team too may have a chance.

And despite Hamilton's amazing story, and amazing first round. Here's some facts.

1. Nobody cares about the home run derby. It's more meaningless than a political party's convention for presidential candidates. The All-stars were already picked.

2. Hitting long balls with your own grandmother tossing under-handed pitches to you should not be some big deal. These guys are paid professionals. Maybe if Johann Santana was throwing heaters at the corners it would mean something. But, any schmuck can bomb the ball tossed lightly at them by their batting coach.

3. Yes Hamilton hit a lot of long balls in the first round. (Record breaking even) But the hare also started with a big lead, and Rudy was told he would never be more than a redshirt. However, last time I checked the derby was not 1 round. It was 5. The tortoise passed the hare, and Rudy was a tragedy of a film for young Master Samwise.

4. Nobody cares the derby trophy is meaningless... (yes I know that was No. 1, I just wanted to emphasize.

5. It doesn't matter that "Hamilton's story was soo much better" Real life is not a fairy tale. Real life is he didn't tough it out. One of the best sports movies I've ever seen was Friday Night Lights (SPOILER ALERT:)

Because they don't do it. Because in real life the "best story," the most heart-warming tale of personal tragedy and grief doesn't always make them good enough. I blame sports writers across America for labeling Hamilton "the uncrowned champ" Way to take away from Morneau. He paced himself, he won. No Barry Bonds' style victory, no Tanya Harding, just plain the better batter in the Tee-ball derby.

So the morale of this story: Have a morale to your own story and you too can have 2nd place eclipse first... as long as your story makes you a recovering junkie, alchie, and you hit more whiffle balls over the fences than Abreau.

And you too can be the best 2nd place finisher ever!